i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
