I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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