Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
