guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
