At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
