She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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