U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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