I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
