I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
