sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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