can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Help. Why am I so naked?
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