Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
