I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
