We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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