I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
