Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
