While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
