So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
