I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
