Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
