went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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