All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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