you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
