got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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