2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
