I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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