I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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