First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
