You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
