I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
