I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
