Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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