We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize