worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
