I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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