don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
