Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's like heaven, but drunker
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize