there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
