She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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