I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
