If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
