Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
