i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I pour the whiskey from now on
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
