im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
