Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wish there were birth control emojis
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
