Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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