Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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