Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
