can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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