We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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