also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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