Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
