In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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