i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
