I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
