their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
