There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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