There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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