I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
