Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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