And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
