I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A bitchslap is in order.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
