i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
