Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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