Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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