She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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