I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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