where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
