talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
