Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Vodka?
Forever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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