ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
