never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
