I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Say something about gay babies.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
