I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
