I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
