did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Vodka?
Forever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
