I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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