I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
