I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
