just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize