its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
