Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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