Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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