I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
