And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
