i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
