Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
