just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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