whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
