No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
