We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ladies don't puke and tell
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
