so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize