Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize