I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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